


here i sit, broken-hearted and

by exexlovers



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, HIV/AIDS, M/M, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23016004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exexlovers/pseuds/exexlovers
Summary: 'everything in the hospital room was cold and upsetting. but there was marvin. he was warm. both emotional yet oddly distant, but he was there. stubbly kisses and arm caresses were still there. whizzer was dying but he was next to his boyfriend. find the good in the bad, or whatever.'⤷ whizzer tried to remember that he wasn't alone in a hospital room. but hospital rooms were stifling.
Relationships: Dr. Charlotte & Marvin (Falsettos), Whizzer Brown & Dr. Charlotte, Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 47





	here i sit, broken-hearted and

**Author's Note:**

> hello good morning! Today's Fic Is Brought To You By: me finding a closing night audio and feeling terrified by you gotta die sometime for the first time since i first watched falsettos.
> 
> pls enjoy!! i worked pretty hard on this.
> 
> [also, i go by kit now (previously called kiarra.)] thanks love y'all

Hospital beds weren’t horrible.

  


They certainly weren’t as comfortable as Whizzer’s bed at home, but it was bearable. No warm yellow light. No glowing windows outside. Everything in the hospital room was cold and upsetting.

  


But there was Marvin. He was warm. Both emotional yet oddly distant, but he was there. Stubbly kisses and arm caresses were still there. Whizzer was dying but he was next to his boyfriend. Find the good in the bad, or whatever.

  


“Whizzer?” Marvin nudged his arm, standing to his left.

  


He snapped out of his thoughts and looked up. “Hm?”

  


“You… you okay?”

  


“Uh… yeah. Yeah. Just, um,” he flashed a flimsy smile, “trying to forget that I’m dying.”

  


Marvin held his breath, then exhaled slowly. “Me too.”

  


Whizzer leaned his head back and stared at the tiled ceiling. Medical machines beeped in the background. 

  


“Marv, can you come lay down?”

  


He whispered assent and climbed into bed while Whizzer held the blanket up for him. Marvin wrapped an arm around his waist.

  


“God, you’re so fucking warm.” Whizzer muttered, closing his eyes against Marvin’s chest.

  


“Good thing?”

  


“Good thing. These blankets suck.”

  


“Yeah, you’re pretty cold, princess. I feel like I’m holding a snowman.”

  


Whizzer laughed carefully. “Well, ain’t that fun.”

  


Marvin was quiet. He gripped onto Whizzer’s waist as if he were the last lifeboat on the Titanic. 

  


“Marvin.”

  


“Yes?”

  


“It’ll be okay.” 

  


Marvin sat up a little bit to look Whizzer in the eye. “It’ll be okay?” he repeated.

  


Whizzer pursed his lips, ignoring his sudden lightheadedness. “Do you remember the conversation we had about what happens after we die?”

  


“Yeah.”

  


“And how I think that when you die, whatever you believe in is whatever will happen to you?”

  


“Yeah, I remember.”

  


“I think… I think that we’ll find each other again after we die. In heaven or whatever. Something will always bring us together, whether it be fate or coincidence. I like to think it’s fate. And fate doesn’t seem to be very patient. So it won’t be long without me. It’ll be okay. I need you to remember that.”

  


Marvin clenched his jaw, his eyes shiny with tears. “I love you.”

  


“I love you too.”

  


“It’ll be okay.” Marvin said again.

  


Whizzer ran his thumb over the dark circles under Marvin’s eyes. “You really need to sleep, baby.”

  


“I will.”

  


Whizzer scoffed gently. “No, you won’t. You haven’t slept for more than two hours since we got here. Let me tell you, you won’t lose me if you close your eyes.”

  


Marvin searched his face, biting the inside of his cheek. “You don’t know that. I don’t want to sleep through your dying.”

  


“Marvin. I’m okay for now. There’s time. You have to get some sleep.”

  


Sometimes, just for a moment, Whizzer wished Marvin would go home and leave him alone. He wished he could have some time to himself, time without everyone hovering around him to make sure he’s okay. Zone out and think about death without anyone nudging him and asking him what it is that he’s thinking about. Have a good old-fashioned mental breakdown in solitude.

  


Marvin sighed, tightening his arm around Whizzer’s waist.

  


“You’re not gonna listen to me.” It was a statement, not a question.

  


Marvin didn’t answer him. Just played with the fabric of Whizzer’s hospital robe.

  


Whizzer took a deep breath and adjusted his head on Marvin’s chest. “My sickness doesn’t cancel out your human requirement for sleep. Go the fuck to sleep, doll.” 

  


Marvin cleared his throat before replying. “ _ Terminal  _ sickness, Whizzer. Unknown terminal sickness.”

  


He paused, reappraising his tone. “You’re allowed to cry, Marvin. You’re not as good at hiding it as you think.” he looked up, hoping his joke went through as one.

  


Marvin smiled tightly, then let it fall. “I don’t want you to be gone, Whizzer. You’re so perfect. You don’t deserve any of this. We should be going for walks and getting coffee right now, not laying in a cold hospital room. You don’t belong in a hospital. What are you doing here, Whizzer?”

  


The time Marvin had said that at the baseball game echoed in his head. “I don’t really know. Besides the fact that I am literally dying.”

  


Marvin sighed again. “I’m so sorry I was such an asshole to you. To everyone in my life. I’m so sorry I treated you that way. I kicked you out over a fucking chess game. I’m so sorry.”

  


“I know you’re sorry, Marvin. I know.”

  


“I will never not feel guilty for who I was.”

  


Whizzer’s eyes stung. He focused on the rhythm of Marvin’s still-beating heart. “Thank you for apologizing. I promise you that I forgive you.”

  


The door to the hospital room creaked open, Charlotte in view. 

  


“Hey, guys. Can I come in or is it a bad time?”

  


Whizzer gave Marvin the chance to answer, then spoke when he didn’t. “It’s okay, come in. We’re just having the same conversation we have every day. You know, I’m dying and he confesses everything he regrets.”

  


Charlotte forced a wan smile, sitting in the chair near the bed. “I just wanted to tell Marvin that I need to talk to him once he gets the chance. Hey, Trina thought you guys were sleeping. She hadn’t heard anything from either of you.”

  


“Char, have you seen Marvin sleep  _ at all _ here?” A hint of a smile graced Whizzer’s face.

  


She glanced at Marvin, her expression changing from amusement to worry as she looked at him. “Marvin?”

  


Whizzer sat up and looked over. Marvin was staring at the ceiling, breathing shakily.

  


“Marvin?” he echoed. “You okay?”

  


He pulled his arm away from Whizzer’s waist and ran a hand down his face. “Yeah. Sure. Just emotional.”

  


Charlotte fiddled with her promise ring. “Okay. Do you guys want anything to eat? Hospital food sucks as always, but I can ask Delia to bring something.”

  


“As long as it’s not her own kosher stuff, I wouldn’t mind Delia bringing something. Don’t tell her I said that, though.”

  


She smiled. “I won’t. Whizzer? Anything?”

  


He shrugged. “Not really hungry. Thanks, though.”

  


Charlotte nodded, patted Marvin’s leg, and left.

  


“You haven’t eaten much for a while.” Marvin stated, not making eye contact.

  


“Like how you haven’t slept?” Whizzer raised an eyebrow. 

  


“Whizzer, don’t fight.”

  


“Listen, I’m annoyed I haven’t eaten either. But every time I do, it doesn’t stay there. So there’s not much point in trying. I also wasn’t lying when I said I wasn’t hungry.”

  


“I never said you were lying.” Marvin tried to pull Whizzer back down. 

  


He stayed upright, staring at the end of the bed until his vision blurred. “I’m not mad at you. I’m sorry it came out that way. I’m mad at everything. The fact that I can’t leave this hospital room. The fact that I’m reduced to eating fucking ice chips that don’t even stay in my system. This god-awful hospital robe. The fact that my hair is falling out. I can’t fucking remember anything, Marvin. I try to stay healthy my whole life and I die in my late twenties anyway.”

  


The room got as quiet as a hospital room could get. Whizzer leaned his head in his hands and sat through the silence.

  


Marvin nudged him some time later. “Have you ever heard of the concept of moral dessert?”

  


“I have not.”

  


“It’s a theory that goes something like, if you do well and act in a way that benefits yourself and others for your whole life, you deserve a tangible reward. Your efforts are seen. You did everything in your power to keep yourself healthy and sane. I’m sorry this is what you get out of it. You deserve a reward.”

  


Whizzer leaned back onto Marvin’s chest. “I’m really sick of hearing the word ‘sorry,’ but thank you.”

  


“Yeah. Everyone just wishes they treated you differently.

  


“They treat me like a human being now that I’m dying. Interesting timing. Almost makes you think that they never cared how I felt.” he sighed and closed his eyes again. “Don’t wake me when Charlotte comes back. I’m kinda dizzy. And I need a break.”

  


“From- a break from being awake?” Marvin sounded worried.

  


“Yeah.”

  


“... Okay. I’ll be right here.”

  


“Yeah, I know. Thanks.”

  


Whizzer hoped the edge in his voice didn’t scare Marvin. He hoped Marvin knew most of the anger wasn’t directed toward him. He was just so sick of being patronized that he almost looked forward to dying.

  


Almost.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are much appreciated! to borrow slang that is apparently from the 70s, do me a solid, friends,
> 
> (my account deletion is a long story but i am back now. using my backup ao3 account. hope no one got scared - though i'm not sure if anyone would care enough in the first place.)
> 
> yours, kit.


End file.
